Words Have Meanings
DEBUNKING HARMFUL LABELS
Introduction
Hello! If you are here, it's probably to learn more about mspec lesbians/gays, straight lesbians/gays, gaybians and lesboys/turigirls. Or, to be more precise, why these labels are harmful.Before we begin, I need to make it clear that the purpose of this Carrd is to educate people on the very real damage these labels can cause, not to invalidate people's experiences. I also do not want people harassing anyone who uses these labels.
Mspec Lesbians/Gays
This is going to be on the longer side, but I'll try to simplify this issue to the best of my ability. To do this, I will explain why this is a problematic label, and then debunk the excuses people make for using it. While this is mostly about lesbians, you can also apply much of what is said here to gay men as well.
Why Is It Harmful? • Not only can it perpetuate harmful stereotypes about both lesbians and mspec women, it also blatantly disregards the meanings of the words themselves.
Split Attraction Model • This is a model created by aspec people, for aspec people. That being said, there are alloallo people who can use it. Some mspec lesbians call themselves homoromantic bisexual or vice versa. However, lesbianism excludes attraction to male-aligned people in all its forms.
Preference for Women • There's already a label for this: sapphic. I don't think I need to say more. This also applies to people who rarely experience attraction to men that might use the term mspec lesbian.
Attraction to Nonbinary People and Trans Women • Trans women and nonbinary people that aren't male-aligned have always been included in lesbianism. Suggesting that the label mspec lesbian is needed to include them is transphobic, full stop.
Questioning People • If they are questioning, they can just say that.
Fluid Sexualities • While sexuality is fluid for some, this is not the case for lesbians, as their sexuality is not fluid.
Trans Man Partner • If your partner is a trans man and you are still attracted to him, continuing to identify as a lesbian in any way is misgendering him. Lesbianism is a term that excludes male-aligned people. Trans men are male-aligned, so they are not included in lesbianism.
Choosing to Go With The Historical Definition • That is not how words work. The reason why mspec people were lumped in with lesbians is because people didn't believe bisexuality existed. They also believed lesbianism was simply the act of homosexuality between women, not its own distinct sexuality.
Straight Lesbians/Gays
I'm gonna do what I did with mspec lesbians/gays: explain why the label is so bad and then debunk the reasons people use for going by it. Hopefully this doesn't take too long. And once again, even if I'm mostly discussing lesbians, you can also apply what I say here to gay men.
Why Is It Harmful? • Straight and lesbian/gay are mutually exclusive terms. Combining them makes no sense when labels like bi, pan, poly and omni exist. Also, it comes off as lesbophobic and biphobic.
Genderfluid/Nonbinary People Attracted to Women/Men • These people can just use trixic or toric if they are attracted exclusively to women or men, respectively. Also, I'd advise that genderfluid people exclusively attracted to women/men make a new label for their specific experiences.
Fluid Orientation/Duosexual • These people can just call themselves abrosexual or duosexual.
Split Attraction Model • Straight and lesbian/gay are exclusive terms. Plus, the label bi exists.
Questioning • You can just say you're questioning. It's as simple as that.
Gaybians
This one wasn't initially present in the original version of this Carrd. That's because I needed to look more into the label before figuring out how to debunk it. Also, this is a unique case from the other labels here, since it involves both gay men and lesbians. Anyways, let's begin.
Why Is It Harmful? • If somebody was male-aligned or experienced attraction to male-aligned people in any way, they couldn't be a lesbian. Likewise, if they were female-aligned or experienced attraction to female-aligned people in any way, they couldn't be a gay man. Using these terms simultaneously is harmful to both gay men and lesbians.
Genderfluid/Nonbinary People Attracted to Women and Men • I would advise that these people use the label abrosexual if their sexual orientation changes with their gender identity. If they are nonbinary, I suggest using labels like bi, pan, poly or omni.
Experiences Sapphic Attraction to Women and Achillean Attraction to Men Simultaneously • You cannot be a lesbian if you are attracted to male-aligned people. Moreover, you cannot be a gay man if you are attracted to female-aligned people. I would advise that you use alternate labels, like the ones I've already mentioned above.
Lesboys/Turigirls
You know the drill by now. Explain why it's bad, debunk the excuses, you can apply what I say to gay men as well as lesbians, yada yada.
Why Is It Harmful? • Lesbianism as a term excludes male-aligned people. Many male-aligned people have used this label to call themselves lesbians.
Multigender People • If they are male-aligned in any way, they cannot be a lesbian. Instead, I advise that they use alternative labels.
Trans Men • This is the point I see the most, so let's get it out of the way as quickly as possible. Trans men did identify as lesbians long ago, but that was because people saw trans men as women. And since they are men, they cannot be lesbians. If they don't feel misgendered by the term, that is internalized transphobia. Even then, internalized transphobia is not an excuse to invalidate lesbians.
Butch Who Uses Boy For Gender Nonconformity, Butchgender Lesbians, Boyd*ke (Historic Identity), Transfem Reclaiming Being Called "Boy", Transmasc Lesbians and He/Him Lesbians • All these groups can still be lesbians if they aren't male-aligned. That being said, I would advise these people to refrain from using the term lesboy, as it has negative connotations.
Transfem Lesbian Egg • Trans women have always been included in lesbianism. Also, this reasoning rubs me the wrong way, as it comes off as transphobic; this hypothetical transfem egg would not know she was a woman, therefore she'd be male-aligned when identifying as a lesboy.
Bigender Who Uses It As "Les=Fem" and "Boy=Masc" • For the thousandth time, male-aligned identities are not included in lesbianism. There are other labels you can use.
Cuspers, Solarian Girls and Lunarian Boys • If you want to know what cusper means, it means you are on the "cusp" of being trans and being GNC but cis. In this case, the examples include being a cusper between a transgender man and a cisgender butch lesbian, or between a transgender woman and a gender non-conforming cis man. Solarian means a male-aligned nonbinary person and lunarian means a female-aligned nonbinary person. Solarian and lunarian come from the galactian system. Nevertheless, these people would still be male-aligned in a way, meaning they can't be lesbians.
Lesbiangender, Sapphicgender, or Sapphogender Men • If these individuals were any of these genders yet also male-aligned, then they should still refrain from using the term lesbian in any capacity. I should also add that only people who actually fit on sapphic and lesbians as sexualities (people who aren't male-aligned) can use lesbian and sapphic as gender identities.
Systems/Alters
This is an argument I've seen a LOT for pretty much all of these labels, so I am going to try and address it as respectfully as I can.
Every system is different; as I am a not a system, I cannot account for all of their experiences. However, I advise that systems use alternative labels to account for all their members. The reason for this is because of the harm labels like mspec/straight lesbian/gay, gaybian and lesboy/turigirl can cause.
Syssexual and queer are some alternative labels I would recommend. That being said, systems can use other labels as long as they don't cause harm to others. I will include other alternative labels in the next section.
Alternative Labels
Now, this is going to be a change of pace. I'll be presenting alternative labels for anyone who might want to identify as any of these harmful labels.
Mspec Lesbians/Gays • These people can use labels like bisexual, pansexual, polysexual or omnisexual. They could also call themselves sapphic or achillean, depending on if they have a preference for women or men respectively.
Straight Lesbians/Gays • Labels on the multisexual spectrum, (bi, pan, poly or omni) would be best for these people. Trixic or toric would also be a good alternative for nonbinary people attracted to women or men respectively. Abrosexual, apartemsexual, duosexual, flinic, novosexual or questioning are also perfectly fine labels on their own.
Gaybians • Abrosexual or novosexual would be good labels if their sexuality changes with their gender identity. If they are nonbinary or otherwise experienced attraction to women and men simultaneously, labels on the multisexual spectrum (bi, pan, poly or omni) would be best.
Lesboys/Turigirls • Some alternative labels I would propose for these people include queer, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, neptunic/uranic (attraction to female-aligned and male-aligned identities respectively) and trixic/toric (nonbinary people exclusively attracted to women or men respectively).
You've Reached The End!
The title should be self-explanatory. Anyways, congrats on reaching the end of this Carrd!
If you're wondering who I am, I don't want to share that here. I made this to debunk several harmful labels in one go. You can find some other Carrds that helped me out with making this in the buttons below.